As I’ve owed my subscribers an exclusive update for a while, I thought this past weekend’s activities would be a wonderful jumping-off point. As always, I deeply appreciate your subscription and support!
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For every composer, there are moments where the exhilaration of self-revelation and the potential for a public calamity combine. For five years now I’ve worked as the composer-in-residence for His Majesty’s Men, writing them a new piece for their fall concerts. This particular summer saw me over-worked and frankly over-burdened, with every idea I worked upon for this fine ensemble coming up short. Certainly the knowledge that I would be on a program which not only included a bunch of William Byrd, but also a new premiere from the great Dr. Peter Kwasniewski added to my creative anxiety. Yet I’ve learned that in these particularly difficult moments, God is often asking me to listen inwards, to hear his voice, and look in the direction he is subtly gesturing towards. Sometimes, though rarely, these occasions come as flashes in the night, true “Eureka!” moments. More often, however, they come when you are in a rowboat, cannot find your oars, and feel like you are about to be capsized. Duc in Altum has its price, and in this case it is the development of trust in your creative endeavors with the one to whom these endeavors must be directed.
In this case, I began to suspect that I was being compelled to reveal to the world a small tune I had written to the Blessed Mother twenty years ago, shortly after my return to the faith. This Ave Maris Stella has since been my private possession, sung frequently but somehow becoming a buoy in times of stress and trouble. It felt far too intimate to share with the public any time soon, though I always knew I’d have to write it down somehow. Then, with the days falling away and a deadline looming, I felt the subtle urging: “do it now.”
The result was that I finished a five voice setting of this simple tune (pictured below), and entered the concert weekend absolutely terrified. Would it work? Would my private fire be a public dud? Would this be yet another moment of publicly endured humility, or a shared experience of the numinous?
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